When Home Isn’t Safe for Children

Domestic abuse is often framed as something that only happens between adults, behind closed doors. But those doors are rarely closed to the children who live there. Even if they’re physically in another room, the impact can carry through walls and attach to the children within abusive homes.

At eve, we know that even when a child is not the direct target of violence, living in a home where abuse is present leaves deep and lasting scars. We’ve seen it, and we want to prevent it. We must.

When one parent is abused, the child is too.

Children do not need to see violence with their own eyes or receive physical harm to be impacted by domestic abuse. Hearing arguments, seeing parents cowering, sensing fear, or acknowledging silence and tension – these experiences are uncomfortable and upsetting for adults to witness, let alone a child. Children’s brains are still developing, and these instances can create emotional and psychological distress for years. Potentially influencing their behaviour and shaping who they become.

Abuse doesn’t stop when a child leaves the house. The aftermath often follows them into adulthood, affecting relationships, mental health, and life choices.

There may be no visible scars, but the emotional and psychological toll of abuse lies deep beneath the skin.

• Anxiety and depression are common in children who witness abuse. Constantly walking on eggshells or fearing the next violent episode creates ongoing stress.
• Attachment issues may develop, particularly if the abused parent is struggling to cope emotionally and cannot offer consistent support to the child.
• Low self-esteem often takes root, as children internalise the belief that they are powerless, unworthy, or somehow to blame.
• Post-traumatic stress can manifest through nightmares, flashbacks, or emotional detachment. Often, therapy sessions are required to overcome this trauma.

Studies have shown that abuse in the home can delay a child’s social and emotional development. Some children may become withdrawn and struggle to socialise or make friends. Others may become overly aggressive or disruptive. Often, their ability to express emotions healthily is stunted, as they haven’t had reliable role models or safe environments in which to learn these skills.

Over time, these challenges can compound, especially if children are not given the tools or safe spaces to unpack their trauma.

A child living with domestic abuse often brings that trauma into the classroom. School becomes their safe place, and this is where they feel they can express themselves, but not always in a healthy way.

Educators are often among the first to notice something is wrong with a child. That’s why schools are so vital in identifying and supporting children in unsafe households. Signs for teachers to look out for include:

• Children struggling to concentrate, leading to declining grades.
• Anxiety, which can result in frequent absences.
• Self-isolation or a reluctance to participate in group activities.
• Erratic behaviour – they’re quiet one day, angry the next.
• Acting as “parentified children”, overly mature for their age, because they’ve been caring for siblings or protecting a parent.

• Listen without judgement: Let the child know they are not alone and that it’s not their fault.
• Speak up: If you suspect a child is in danger, contact your local safeguarding lead, social services, or the police.
• Work with support services: At eve, we work with schools and professionals to ensure children get the proper support through our programmes and services.
• Create safe environments: Whether in a classroom, youth group, or neighbourhood, make it clear that violence is never okay and that help is available.

Whether you’re a teacher, family friend, neighbour, or relative, there are apparent signs that may suggest a child is living in an abusive or unsafe home:

• Sudden changes in behaviour or performance at school.
• Fearfulness, clinginess, or separation anxiety.
• Unexplained injuries or vague explanations for how they occurred.
• Poor hygiene or signs of neglect.
• Regular absences or arriving at school very early or staying late.
• Aggression, bullying, or withdrawal from peers.
• Inappropriate knowledge of adult matters.
• Strong protective instincts toward a parent or sibling.

At eve, we help women and children rebuild their lives after abuse. Through safe refuge, therapy, emotional support, and life skills programmes, we give families the tools they need to heal.

But we can’t do it alone.

We rely on the compassion and action of individuals, schools, and communities to identify children at risk, to raise awareness, and to ensure that no child grows up believing that abuse is normal.

Let’s not wait for them to ask for help. Let’s be the safe space they need.