Types of Verbal Abuse

For many victims, claims of abuse towards them are not taken seriously unless there is physical evidence: cuts, grazes, black eyes, bruises, or broken bones. However, like anxiety and depression are types of illnesses, verbal abuse is also a type of abuse and just as serious. In this article, we cover the different kinds of verbal abuse and the damage it can cause to the recipient. Although we focus on romantic relationships, verbal abuse is common in other scenarios, such as friendship groups, work environments, sports, and even within the community.

It could be argued that verbal abuse can cause more damage to an individual. It’s often a calculated and long-lasting form of bullying, with the recipient exposed to it for several months or even years. These constant degrading comments can slowly belittle someone, dissolving any self-confidence, self-belief, or original thinking.

The problem with verbal abuse is that it is easy to hide; there are no marks left from nasty words. Moreover, comments can be brushed away as a joke or banter, especially if supported by spectators who do not call abusers out for their behaviour. It’s also a type of abuse that often occurs in private, between two people. With no other witnesses, the attacker can deny their behaviour, claiming the recipient is making it up.

Not only are you demonstrating your stance on the matter of domestic abuse as a company, but you are also placing the welfare of your staff at the forefront. Through our in-depth training, we’ve noticed several benefits to colleagues, such as:

• Upskilling employees
• Building confidence
• Improving communication skills
• Enhancing soft skills
• Creating a safer work environment
• Improving inclusivity
• Practising empathy

To help our awareness of domestic violence and identify the signs of verbal abuse, we’ve highlighted the nine main forms of verbal abuse.

1. Name-calling
Issuing someone with a cruel nickname based on their name, appearance, personality, or mannerisms is what we would refer to as ‘name-calling’. What many class as ‘playground antics’ can be an upsetting and degrading slander for someone else. Name-calling is the most common and recognisable type of verbal abuse, but it is often dismissed. However, if left unaddressed, it can create unhealthy relationships and lower the recipient’s confidence. Furthermore, it can escalate to more aggressive and intimidating behaviour.

2. Criticism
Open conversations are a good thing and can help build a healthy relationship – letting your romantic partner, friends, family and colleagues know how you’re feeling, especially if they’ve said or done something to upset you, helps them become aware of their actions towards you. This can be seen as constructive criticism and beneficial when handled appropriately. However, negative or constant criticism can become draining for the recipient, reducing their confidence and making them feel insecure that they can’t do anything right. Criticism can cover all areas, including appearance, sexual performance, tone of voice, intelligence, career, interests, and choice of friends.

3. Condescension
This can be akin to criticism, as negative criticism tends to be condescending. This can occur over a period of time with the perpetrator continuously patronising their victim or making them the butt of the joke in social situations. This form of abuse essentially chips away at someone’s self-esteem, eventually making them believe they’re incapable of anything and, therefore, frightened to leave an unhealthy situation.

4. Manipulation
Manipulation involves coercive and controlling behaviour. Abusers who manipulate are extremely methodical, gradually evolving their manipulation tactics until it’s too late for the recipient to notice. It often appears as genuine care; they are ‘concerned for you’, ‘love you too much’, or simply ‘can’t live without you’. Abusers will envelope emotional guilt into their manipulation, forcing their victim to do things they don’t want to do to not upset their partner. Eventually, the victim becomes isolated from their trusted network; they lose their independence and unwittingly agree to everything their abuser says.

5. Blame
Like many forms of abuse, this comes down to a lack of accountability. The perpetrator cannot see the impact of their words or actions, and they blame their victim for anything negative in their life – whether they’re involved or not. Blame can be associated with anything, from how someone looks at you (because you were inappropriately dressed) and the taste of a meal (because you can’t do anything right) to their partner losing their job or their favourite sports team losing a game. Essentially, the recipient feels incapable, leaving them walking on eggshells and living in constant fear about how their abuser will act at any moment.

6. Accusation
There’s no such thing as a good rumour, and this is how many abusers introduce accusations into a relationship. It may start as a small comment, pretending they’ve ‘heard a rumour’ about something their victim has said or done. This can appear as a concern, but it is the seed of something far more sinister.

Accusations often stem from jealousy and insecurities, which can quickly escalate. A successful or beautiful woman can be emasculating to male perpetrators, and cruel accusations about why you’re doing well for yourself can become degrading. Not only does this knock their victim’s confidence, but victims will also beg for forgiveness or relinquish whatever upsets their partner – ultimately belittling their lifestyle and handing all power over to their perpetrator.

7. Discrimination
This is another recognisable type of verbal abuse that can be seen in various demographics, environments, and relationships. In regards to domestic abuse, discrimination is when the perpetrator uses demeaning comments against their partner’s race, ethnic background, gender, age, sexuality, or religion. It links with other forms of abuse, including name-calling and criticism, and if not addressed early, can become extremely hurtful.

8. Threats
Threats are a serious type of verbal abuse and should never be taken lightly. Threats tend to be used when an attacker is not getting their way. Perhaps they’re feeling emasculated, threatened themselves, or they’re using threats as a defensive device, so they deflect their fear and frustration onto someone whom they view as inferior. Threats can include physical threats such as causing harm or injuries, threats of spreading lies or rumours, or threats towards someone their victim cares for, such as her children. It’s a form of bullying, scaring the recipient to conform to their every whim.

9. Gaslighting
Gaslighting has been a form of verbal abuse for hundreds of years and involves disregarding, discounting, and contradicting someone’s comments and feelings. The gaslighter often changes what they say from day to day with the intention of making the recipient doubt what they believe. Gaslighting occurs over time and can lead to the recipient becoming isolated from their friends and family as they fully believe what their abuser is saying. They become insecure and doubt their own reasoning.

If any of these types of verbal abuse sound familiar to you, there is a lot you can do to resolve the situation. However, if at any point you feel that you or your child is in danger, please call 999 straight away.

Ways to address verbal abuse:

• Have an honest conversation with your abuser
• Speak to someone you can trust about the situation
• Avoid being alone with your abuser
• Remove any alcohol which may increase their behaviour
• Keep a diary, recording each instance of verbal abuse
• Speak to a domestic abuse charity
• Report your concerns to the police