The Red Flags of Coercive Control

Coercive control could be considered one of the most dangerous forms of domestic abuse. Often carried out over a long period, perpetrators are methodical in their ambition to gain control and power over another.

Coercive behaviour is not always physical. But it is mentally and emotionally damaging. Breaking down someone’s confidence, identity and freedom until they become entirely dependent on their attacker, and too fearful to escape.

Also referred to as CCB (Coercive and Controlling Behaviour), the UK Government define coercive control as:

“A range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.”

Essentially, it is a form of psychological abuse. The perpetrator often establishes a view of how their partner should behave within the relationship, making the perpetrator’s need to control another all-consuming. They use a combination of threats, humiliation, intimidation, and manipulation to isolate, dominate and control every aspect of their victims’ lives. It’s a consistent, calculated campaign to break a person’s sense of self.

Not always. Coercive control can appear in any relationship where one person is seeking dominance over another – for example, a manager intimidating an employee for their own professional or personal gain. However, coercive behaviour is most common in romantic relationships as emotional manipulation is used as a tactic for control.

We recently shared a clip across our social media platforms of Denise Welch bravely opening up about her own experience of coercive control with a romantic partner. Her powerful story highlights how controlling behaviour occurs behind the scenes. It happens slowly, without you realising. Before you know it, you’ve lost your sense of self and start to believe what your perpetrator says, leading to a negative impact on your life and wellbeing.

This kind of abuse often happens behind closed doors and can be tricky to spot, even by the person experiencing it. That’s why raising awareness is critical. Examples of coercive and controlling behaviours could include:

• Isolating you from friends and family
• Controlling your appearance, opinions, and activities
• Dictating who you can and cannot spend time with
• Preventing you from reaching out to anyone
• Monitoring your actions, interactions and locations
• Gaslighting and using degrading language
• Controlling your finances and spending
• Threatening or intimidating behaviour towards you
• Making false allegations about friends and family
• Or making false allegations about you to friends and family
• Using emotional language to make you feel like this is your fault
• Pushing you into illegal activity or non-consensual sexual activities

Whether you’re worried about your relationship or concerned for someone else, there are steps you can take:

• Acknowledge what’s happening: Abuse is never your fault, but it’s important to acknowledge what is happening.
• Keep a record: If it’s safe to do so, document incidents of control or threats.
• Reach out for support: You are not alone. When it is safe to do so, speak to someone you trust or use eve’s silent support solution.
• Create a safety plan: Plan how to leave safely if and when needed.
• Don’t confront the abuser alone: This could increase risk. Always seek support first and have a plan in place.
• Be patient: With yourself and others. Undoing the damage caused by coercive control is a long process. We’re here every step of the way.

Ending gender-based violence means calling out behaviours that strip people of their freedom and dignity. Coercive control thrives in silence and shame. But with awareness, compassion, and action, we can bring it into the light and extinguish it.

• If you’re ready to talk, we’re here to listen.
• If you’re ready to leave, we’re here to help.
• If you want to learn more or support our work, we welcome your voice.

Together, we can break the cycle and build safer futures for the women and children in our lives and community.