Client Testimony: The Restored Programme

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Talking about The RESTORED programme and FREEDOM course in particular I would say that my healing process from the effects of prolonged domestic abuse started with Freedom. If I am to describe the abusive mindset that majority of victims of domestic abuse have as like a “disease”, the  Freedom program was the antibiotics. The structure of the course and its content challenges core beliefs and stereotypes that allow victims of domestic abuse not only to endure abuse but to  blame themselves for it. Freedom “cures” you of the wrong way of thinking and makes it crystal clear that there is no excuse for abuse.

”Freedom “cures” you of the wrong way of thinking and makes it crystal clear that there is no excuse for abuse”.  

For me personally it has been a very painful and emotional healing process that took almost 9 months. Freedom sessions at times triggered emotional flashbacks to my past abuse, panic attacks and various anxieties. Nevertheless that was the only way to “get better”. By fully engaging in the course through pain and tears, I have managed to process hurtful emotions, challenged by core beliefs due to various cultural, social and other factors and regained clear rational thinking, positive self esteem and healthy outlook on life.

More over the personal skills I gained on the way through RESTORED programme and priceless knowledge I gained through FREEDOM empowered me to be a stronger better and more resilient human being. I am able to face and stand up accordingly now not only my perpetrator  but to the legal and social care systems which unfortunately are not sympathetic to the victims of domestic abuse to say the least. As an example, I have been to court 17 times and lost 15 of those. In the two hearings  that I won, I represented myself against fully equipped and prepared legal teams. From being in Freedom and Stay Free I knew my rights and I had a renewed confidence and emotional self control in order to be able to stand up for what is right and just for me and my children.

 

”The biggest advice I can give to all those brave souls who are starting their journey with RESTORED and Freedom programme in particular is: come with an open heart and mind. Suck it all in and let it process in your heart as much as in your mind”.

The biggest advice I can give to all those brave souls who are starting their journey with RESTORED and Freedom programme in particular is: come with an open heart and mind. Suck it all in and let it process in your heart as much as in your mind. It is going to be an emotional roller-coaster, at times it will be very ugly and painful but you will be led through it by highly trained professionals and support workers who will hold your hand all the way through with a smile and a shoulder to lean on! As well as RESTORED I accessed a professional counsellor to help me to process everything. If I did it so can you!

Today, I am a confident successful young woman with a healthy outlook. I have no more anxiety or panic attacks. I run my own business and looking after my amazing children. I just started another degree. I continue to educate myself regularly, attending various courses and even started to learn another foreign language. My life is amazing and I am the happiest I have ever been. On the outside however my circumstances haven’t really changed much, I still have the perpetrator present in my life as we share the custody of our children and money is a struggle, but what has really changed is me and my abilities to handle abuse and anything coming my way!  I am more successful than I have ever been. It has been long 9 months of self development, rediscovering and really hard work but I have finally been reborn to my true authentic self.

”Today, I am a confident successful young woman with a healthy outlook. I have no more anxiety or panic attacks. I run my own business and looking after my amazing children”

My advice would be to participate in as much of the programme as you can however trivial it might seem at the time. Allow yourself to have hope and believe that you are not a victim, you are a survivor!!!

”Allow yourself to have hope and believe that you are not a victim, you are a survivor!!!”

Now, I wake up every morning looking forward to the day….

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Northamptonshire mother tells how refuge rescued her from a ‘cage of mental torture’ as husband abused their children

A mother of two has said she will “never forget” the support of a Northamptonshire family refuge that helped her to escape the “mental torture” of her marriage and her husband’s abuse of her children.

The woman, who the Chron has not named, shared her story and told how Nene Valley Christian Family Refuge gave her the support she needed to get a divorce and start her own business.

The refuge will be celebrating its 30th anniversary this weekend with a special service of thanksgiving and the launch of its new brand name.

The woman said: “I come from a Christian family and it wasn’t acceptable for me to separate from my husband, and everyone thought I was the bad person.
“At first he seemed nice and caring, but then I realised how controlling he was. He didn’t want me to go to work or university, he took complete control of all finances and demanded to know what I was doing at all times. I had no voice and could not make any decisions.”

She left her home and work with her husband, two children and step-child in the late 1990s, to move to Northampton, where she had few relatives and friends.

“Because of the money he paid my family for us to be married, he felt he owned me,” she said, “and it got worse because I didn’t have my mother there to talk to and support me.”

She explained how her husband forced her to quit her job and would check every day where she spent money and who she spoke to. When she tried to find work again, he blackmailed her by abusing their own children.

“He knew that hurting the children would hurt me, so he became violent towards them to make me behave myself,” she said. “For me it was mental torture, because I couldn’t explain it to anyone. I moved in with my sister but he manipulated my family against me.”

She came across the Nene Valley refuge three years ago while searching online in desperation for somewhere to take her children away from her husband.

“I had no-one else to turn to. When I spoke to them it was the first time anyone had ever believed in me – I couldn’t believe that someone was listening.”

Staff at the refuge arranged for temporary accommodation for her and her children in Wellingborough until there was space for them to be moved into the refuge. They offered her training, courses in finding freedom, and the legal advice which helped her settle a divorce, as well providing counselling for her children.

She has now moved into her own home, has started her own business, and works on-call for the refuge, answering the phone to women, like her, trying to escape abusive homes. She has also started a new relationship with someone who, she says, is supportive and treats her as an equal.

“The whole process helps you get away, regain confidence to build your own life, then to keep that confidence and avoid the same patterns happening again – it’s a full package. They don’t send you into the world until you can say yourself that you are ready, and even then you are always welcome back.

“I will never forget what they did for me,” she said. “There is something in their faces as if God has spoken to them, assuring you that everything will be okay. To meet other women who had been through something similar was eye-opening.

“Now I wake up every morning looking forward to the day. I’m free, and I’m not worried about anything. But without Nene Valley, I would still be locked in that cage.

“I wish the Government could realise how much places like these mean to many women and children and how, without them, the world would be a cruel place to live in. We need to stand together to get people out of these situations or they will just carry on.

“If just one person who is suffering in silence reads this and it encourages them to look for help, then it’s worth it.”

The refuge’s thanksgiving service will take place tomorrow, Friday, from 7.30pm at Abington Avenue United Reformed Church in Northampton, where past service users and staff will speak about the importance of work achieved over the last 30 years.

Earlier in the year, the refuge, which works in conjunction with Northampton Women’s Aid, benefitted from a share of £10 million extra funding supplied by the Government for women’s refuges, but no further support is guaranteed after March 2016.

By Francesca Gosling published 07:30 Wednesday 13th May 2015